newmusicnews - May 10th 1980
Vol. 1 - No. 1
Debbie confesses: "ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE WAS A HOUSEWIFE"
Chris carps: "SHE'S NEVER AT HOME TO WASH MY SOCKS"
A Headline Hungry Editor Adds "Athletes foot is known to break up more marriages than infidelity"
SHOCK WAVES have just reached these shores from the stunned New York rock community, who are reported to be still reeling on their heels after an announcement from Blondie: DEBBIE HARRY HAS QUIT! But not, as expected, to launch a solo career - the blonde bombshell's solo days are soon to be well and truly over. She has instead decided to follow her mother's advice and settle down into the role for which, in her heart, she knows she was made. "All I ever wanted to be was a housewife," she admitted to a speechless gathering of friends at an exclusive backgammon party last week, "and although I know I always said I wouldn't marry Chris until I'd improved my needlepoint and motza baking, I feel the right time has come."
Can it be that the threat of the approaching big 40 has the seemingly ageless beauty worrying about the wrinkles? Though she still looks as flawless as when she advertised Gerber baby foods on her mother's knee, time may be taking an inner toll. Once a self-confessed heroin addict ("Smack preserved my looks") and groupie, DEBBIE IS NOW SEEKING AN INNER TRANQUILITY. Mrs Stein is said to be thrilled at the prospect, and is often to be found at her future daughter-in-law's flat, instructing Debbie in the arts of womanhood. "Her chicken broth with falafels is better than mine already, and I'm sure she'll make my son a lovely little wife. We're all quite prepared to put Deborah's past behind us, and help her start afresh."
It has been whispered that Debbie came in for some heavy flak from Momma Stein in earlier days over the state of Chris' feet. Guitarist Frank Infante has backed this up by saying "Holing up in the studio with Chris for several hours was becoming a terrible ordeal, HIS FEET GOT REALLY WIFFY." A miffed Chris explained: "Debbie's never home to wash my socks." All that has changed now, and Debbie has a new washing machine and spin dryer to help with the weekly load. Does this mean she will be hanging up her suspenders and day-glo minis for good?
"Oh no," stressed Debs, "when Chris arrives home from a hard day at the mixing console, there I shall be - dressed in his favourite first-grade schoolboy's uniform or my ANTI-NUCLEAR FALL-OUT SUIT WITH PERSPEX CUT-OUTS. I've seen too many of those groupies hanging out like a scene from 'Jaws', just waiting to get their sharp little teeth into my Chrissie. I hope I know how to keep my man coming home!"
The rest of the band are not so blissful about these new domestic arrangements, and SCENES OF SHOUTING AND MUSCLE FLEXING WERE REPORTED at CBGB's late the other night when drummer Clem Burke and Chris met up. It seems that Clem is all set to take the sexy singer's place at the mikes, while Jimmy Destri feels his legs are better so the front belongs to him. Manager Shep Gordon was not available for comment from the nursing home where he's resting.
So what of the future for Blondie? As the shock waves die down, tongues continue to wag - will Chris really pop the question? Will Debbie secretly yearn again for her loose-living days? Will an all-male Blondie still make the boys swoon? Only the passage of time and water can tell...